I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
