I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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