I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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