Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
