I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What a dumb baby whore.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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