my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
