It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
