The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
