Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found puke in my bra..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
