matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
wow bdsm is so cute
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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