I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
