I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
