its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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