Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
