so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
