i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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if i bang your brother are we still cool?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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