we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i need some magic done to my vagina
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
