why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
