I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
