I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
