ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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