Where did you get a picture of my penis
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
