you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
