If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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