I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
