Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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