I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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