currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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