you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
