Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
