Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
