Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
