Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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