Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
