Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
