I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
