Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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