Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
