you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
