New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
