Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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