i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
