My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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