I heard we made out
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
