You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
