they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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