My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Send help, water and tortillas.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
