I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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