Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
