fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
