I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
BRING THE BAGELS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
